Mr. James Smith's procedures are not caricature of reasoning; they are caricature of blundering. The old way of proving that 2 = 1 is solemn earnest compared with his demonstrations. As follows:[388]
Let x = 1 Then x^2 = x And x^2 - 1 = x - 1 Divide both sides by x - 1; then x + 1 = 1; but x = 1, whence 2 = 1.
When a man is regularly snubbed, bullied, blown up, walked into, and put down, there is usually some reaction in his favor, a kind of deostracism, which cannot bear to hear him always called the blunderer. I hope it will be so in this case. There is nothing I more desire than to see _sects_ of paradoxers. There are fully five thousand adults in England who ought to be the followers of some one false quadrature. And I have most hope of 3-1/8, because I think Mr. James Smith better fitted to be the leader of an organized infatuation than any one I know of. He wants no pity, and will get none. He has energy, means, good humor, strong conviction, character, and popularity in his own circle. And, most indispensable point of all, he sticks at nothing;
"In coelum jusseris, ibit."[389]
When my instructor found I did not print an acceptance of what I have quoted, he addressed me as follows (_Corr._, Sept 23):--
"In this life, however, we must do our duty, and, when {242} necessary, use the rod, not in a spirit of revenge, but for the benefit of the culprit and the good of society. Now, Sir, the opportunity has been thrown in your way of slipping out of the pillory without risk of serious injury; but, like an obstinate urchin, you have chosen to quarrel with your opportunity and remain there, and thus you compel me to deal with you as schoolmasters used to do with stupid boys in bygone days--that is to say, you force me to the use of the critic's rod, compel me to put you where little Jack Horner sat, and, as a warning to other naughty boys, to ornament you with a dunce's cap. The task I set you was a very simple one, as I shall make manifest at the proper time."
In one or more places, as well as this, Mr. Smith shows that he does not know the legend of little Jack Horner, whom he imagines to be put in the corner as a bad boy. This is curious; for there had been many allusions to the story in the journal he was writing in, and the Christmas pie had become altered into the Seaforth [pi].
Mr. Smith is satisfied at last that--what between argument and punishment he has convinced me. He says (_Corr._, Jan. 27, 1866): "I tell him without hesitation that he knows the true ratio of diameter to circumference as well as I do, and if he be wise he will admit it." I should hope I do, and better; but there is no occasion to admit what everybody knows.
I have often wished that we could have a slight glimpse of the reception which was given to some of the old cyclometers: but we have nothing, except the grave disapprobation of historians. I am resolved to give the New Zealander a chance of knowing a little more than this about one of them at least; and, by the fortunate entrance into life of the _Correspondent_, I am able to do it. I omit sober mathematical answers, of which there were several. The following letter is grave earnest:
"Sir,--I have watched Mr. James Smith's writings on this subject from the first, and I did hope that, as the more {243} he departs from truth the more easy it must be to refute him, [this by no means always true] some of your correspondents would by this time have done so. I own that I am unable to detect the fallacy of his argument; and I am quite certain that '[Pi]' is wrong, in No. 23, where he declares that Mr. Smith is 'ignorant of the very elements of mathematical truth.' I have observed an immense amount of geometrical reasoning on his part, and I cannot see that it is either fair or honest to deny this, which may be regarded as the 'elements' of mathematical truth. Would it not be better for '[Pi]' to answer Mr. Smith, to refute his arguments, to point out their fallacies, and to save learners from error, than to plunge into gross insult and unmanly abuse? Would it not be well, also, that Professor De Morgan should favour us with a little reasoning?
"I have hitherto seen no attempt to overthrow Mr. Smith's arguments; I trust that this will not continue, since the subject is one of immense importance to science in general, especially to nautical science, and all that thereto belongs.
Yours, etc.,
A CAPTAIN, R.N."
On looking at this homoeopathic treatment of the 3-1/8 quadrature--remember, homoeopathic, _similia similibus_,[390] not infinitesimal--and at the imputation thrown upon it, I asked myself, what _is_ vulgarity? No two agree, except in this, that every one sees vulgarity in what is directed against himself. Mark the world, and see if anything be so common as the description of the other side's remarks as "vulgar attempt at wit." "I suppose you think that very witty:" the answer is "No my friend! your remark shows that you feel it as wit, so that the purpose is answered; I keep my razor for something else than cutting blocks;" I am inclined to think that "out of place" is a necessary attribute of true vulgarity. And further, it is to be noticed that nothing is {244} unproducible--_salvo pudore_[391]--which has classical authority, modern or ancient, in its favor. "He is a vulgar fellow; I asked him what he was upon, and what do you think he answered, My legs!"--"Well, and has he not justification? what do you find in Terence? _Quid agitur? Statur._"[392] I do not even blench from my principle where I find that it brings what is called "taking a sight" within permissible forms of expression: Rabelais not only establishes its antiquity, but makes it English. Our old translation[393] has it thus (book 2. ch. 19):
"Then made the Englishman this sign. His left hand, all open, he lifted up into the air, then instantly shut into his fist the four fingers thereof; and his thumb extended at length he placed upon the tip of his nose. Presently after he lifted up his right hand all open and abased and bent it downwards, putting the thumb thereof in the very place where the little finger of the left hand did close in the fist, and the four right hand fingers he softly moved in the air. Then contrarily he did with the right hand what he had done with the left, and with the left what he had done with the right."
An impressive sight! The making of a fist of the left hand is a great addition of power, and should be followed in modern practice. The gentle sullation of the front fingers, with the clenched fist behind them, says as plainly as possible, Put _suaviter in modo_ in the van, but don't forget to have _fortiter in re_[394] in the rear.
{245}
My Budget was announced (March 23, 1867) for completion on the 30th. Mr. James Smith wrote five letters, one before the completion, four after it; the five contained 68 pages of quarto letter paper. Mr. J. S. had picked up a clerical correspondent, with whom he was in the heat of battle.
"_March 27._--Dear Sir. Very truly yours. Duty; for my own sake; just time left to retrieve my errors; sends copy of letter to clergyman; new proof never before thought of; merest tyro would laugh if I were to stifle it, whether by rhodomontade or silent contempt; keep your temper. I shall be convinced; and if world be right in supposing me incapable of a foul act, I shall proclaim glorious discovery in the _Athenaeum_.
"_April 15._--Sir,... My dear Sir, Your sincere tutelary. Copy of another letter to clergyman; discovery tested by logarithms; reasons such as none but a knave or a sinner can resist. Let me advise you to take counsel before it is too late! Keep your temper. Let not your _pride_ get the better of your discretion! Screw up your courage, my good friend, and _resolve_ to show the world that you are an _honest_ man....
"_April 20._--Sir ... Your very sincere and favorite tutelary. I have long played the _cur_, snapping and snarling...; suddenly lost my power, and became _half-starved_ dog without _spirit_ to bark; try if air cannot restore me; calls himself the _thistle_ in allusion to my other tutelary, the _thorn_; Would I prefer his next work to be, 'A whip for the Mathematical Cur, Prof. De M.' In some previous letter which I have mislaid, he told me his next would be 'a muzzle for the Mathematical Bull dog, Prof. De M.'
"_April 23._--Sir. Very sincerely yours. More letters to clergyman; you may as well knock your head against a stone wall to improve your intellect as attempt to controvert my proofs. [I thought so too; and tried neither]. {246}
"_May 6._--My dear Sir. Very sincerely yours. All to myself, and nothing to note.
"_July 2._--No more in this interval. All that precedes is a desperate attempt to induce me to continue my descriptions: notoriety at any price."
I dare say the matter is finished: the record of so marked an instance of self-delusion will be useful.
I append to the foregoing a letter from Dr. Whewell[395] to Mr. James Smith. The Master of Trinity was conspicuous as a rough customer, an intellectual bully, an overbearing disputant: the character was as well established as that of Sam Johnson. But there was a marked difference. It was said of Johnson that if his pistol missed fire, he would knock you down with the butt end of it: but Whewell, in like case, always acknowledged the miss, and loaded again or not, as the case might be. He reminded me of Dennis Brulgruddery, who says to Dan, Pacify me with a good reason, and you'll find me a dutiful master. I knew him from the time when he was my teacher at Cambridge, more than forty years. As a teacher, he was anything but dictatorial, and he was perfectly accessible to proposal of objections. He came in contact with me in his slashing way twice in our after joint lives, and on both occasions he acknowledged himself overcome, by that change of manner, and apologetic mode of continuance, which I had seen him employ towards others under like circumstances.
I had expressed my wish to have a _thermometer of probability_, with impossibility at one end, as 2 and 2 make 5, and necessity at the other, as 2 and 2 make 4, and a graduated rise of examples between them. Down came a blow: "What! put necessary and contingent propositions together! It's absurd!" I pointed out that the two kinds of necessity are but such extremes of probability as 0 and [infinity] are of number, and illustrated by an urn with 1 white and _n_ black {247} balls, _n_ increasing without limit. It was frankly seen, and the point yielded; a large company was present.
Again, in a large party, after dinner, and politics being the subject, I was proceeding, in discussion with Mr. Whewell, with "I think"...--"Ugh! _you_ think!" was the answer. I repeated my phrase, and gave as a reason the words which Lord Grey[396] had used in the House of Lords the night before (the celebrated advice to the Bishops to set their houses in order). He had not heard of this, and his manner changed in an instant: he was the rational discutient all the rest of the evening, having previously been nothing but a disputant with all the distinctions strongly marked.
I have said that Whewell was gentle with his pupils; it was the same with all who wanted teaching: it was only on an armed enemy that he drew his weapon. The letter which he wrote to Mr. J. Smith is an instance: and as it applies with perfect fidelity to the efforts of unreasoning above described, I give it here. Mr. James Smith is skilfully exposed, and felt it; as is proved by "putting the writer in the stocks."
"The Lodge, Cambridge, September 14th, 1862.
"Sir,--I have received your explanation of your proposition that the circumference of the circle is to its diameter as 25 to 8. I am afraid I shall disappoint you by saying that I see no force in your proof: and I should hope that you will see that there is no force in it if you consider this: In the whole course of the proof, though the word cycle occurs, there is no property of the circle employed. You may do this: you may put the word _hexagon_ or _dodecagon_, or any other word describing a polygon in the place of _Circle_ in your proof, and the proof would be just as good as before. Does not this satisfy you that you cannot have proved a property of that special figure--a circle? {248}
"Or you may do this: calculate the side of a polygon of 24 sides inscribed in a circle. I think you are a Mathematician enough to do this. You will find that if the radius of the circle be one, the side of this polygon is .264 etc. Now, the arc which this side subtends is according to your proposition 3.125/12 = .2604, and therefore the chord is greater than its arc, which you will allow is impossible.
"I shall be glad if these arguments satisfy you, and
"I am, Sir, your obedient Servant,
"W. WHEWELL."
